Dear Pinterest: You are stupid.

I have a love-hate relationship with Pinterest. Here's why:

1. My shower may be cleaner than ever, but it's hard to feel like I'm being a super mom/wife/person/anything when I see a post for how to cut heart-shaped carrots for your chicken noodle soup.  Whoever actually did that is out of her stinkin' mind.

2. Those crock pot chicken fajitas I made were pretty awesome, but the post that told me to put those toddler muffins in the over for 45 minutes: what?! They were hard as rocks.

3. Don't even get me started on the stuff I saw for a first birthday party. Actually, I already started. Don't blame me when you get angry at whatever women actually do this stuff...you're the one who decided to jump on this train when you started reading this post, so now here we go:

• The 12 foot wooden sign with your child's name written in rope for her pony-theme birthday party? Ridiculous.
• Planning literally months in advance for your child's 1st birthday party? Couple of things I can't deal with here: first, I could not fathom that I would ever have a 1 year old until, like, yesterday; second, who has that kind of time?
• A candy & sweets bar? Isn't cake enough for you people?!
• Redecorating basically the whole house and exterior in the party colors and theme? Sure, no problem. I'll repaint my living room and make 25 handfluffed thingys that hang from the ceiling.
• Tutus for everyone? I'm sure the grandpas will be thrilled.
• Personalized water bottles? It's a birthday party, not a wedding.
• A Monopoly game personalized for your baby (ie: Noraopoly). You have a dirty diaper! Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars.

4. Crafts for Couples? Ryan will be ecstatic.

5. Pins like these? Can't complain. These are downright fantastic.

Okay, now that I've wasted most of nap time writing this post and deciding which picture is funniest, I should probably go do something productive.