16 Ways to Make Your Mother's Head Spin

by Nora, age 2 3/4 ("I be fwee in JannaAiry")

1. When you are finished with a toy, immediately drop it on the floor.  Leave it. Don't worry if it's in a spot where someone might trip over it later.
2. Request a fenut-butter-a-jelwe sammich. Take one tiny bite, and announce your tummy is full.
3. Refuse to nap. Who cares that you are actually tired and maybe even a little sick? Don't give in.
4. In lieu of napping, rearrange your closet. Try on all of the shoes that have been handed down to you from your cousins. Your mother has organized them by size for your convenience.
5. Place your hands on top of your head whenever she tries to brush your hair, or - and this is ridiculous - put a ponytail or hairclip in your hair. Be strong and do not budge until she gives up and lets you have your hair in your eyes all day.
6. Throw your gloves as far as you can as soon as you are strapped into your carseat. Bonus points if you can get them under a seat.
7. Even if you have been fully potty trained for months, poop in your diaper at nap and bedtime.
8. As a rule, do not wear pants.
9. When your mother tries to brush your teeth, snap your mouth closed. Do not give in to her songs and silly antics.
10. Take as long as possible when leaving the house, especially for things like doctor's appointments and activities that start at a certain time.
11. Do not hold hands in parking lots.
12. If you absolutely have to go potty, do it. It's okay. But, refuse to wash your hands when finished. What's the point of that, anyway?
13. When visiting your mother's friend's new baby, put the baby's pacifier in your mouth.
14. Get sick on the morning you are supposed to go to the babysitter. She doesn't need those 4 hours of kid-free time.
15. Say you need a band-aid. Five minutes after said band-aid has been administered, announce you're all better. Remove it and leave it on the floor. (See #1.)
16. When your mother is cleaning, find the smallest possibly toys or objects you can get your hands on. Scatter them haphazardly across the floor.  This can be repeated as many times a day as you would like.

From my personal experience, these are most effective when used in combination with one another. Feel free to share if you have any other suggestions.

Toddlers Unite!