Collin Benjamin: A Birth Story

Collin Benjamin
July 26, 2021
7 lb. 14 oz., 20 1/4 in.
11:23 am

My pregnancy with you was nothing out of the ordinary: I had the normal morning sickness, the exhaustion, the strangers exclaiming with joy when my baby bump started to get so big I couldn't hide it anymore. I won't lie - being pregnant in the summer was tough. It was early May when my feet started to swell and hurt all the time. I was teaching part-time at Riverside, and I emailed my principal: Is it ok if I wear tennis shoes or flip flops from now on? 

Yes - of course it was - and it's a good thing, since no other shoes fit anyway. 

 I sweated my way through the summer, happily dunking myself into any pool available. We spent many late June and early July afternoons down the street at Ralph and Chris's house, swimming with the neighbors. I'd stay deep enough to keep my heavy belly under the water.

Needless to say, I could not wait for you to arrive. About a week before you were born, we decided to tell the "big kids" your name. (This is what we call Nora and Joseph now - the Big Kids.) They'd been begging forever, and we'd finally decided on the name that would be yours. We drew lines for each letter and let them guess until they got it. 

Collin Benjamin. 

Nora colored the rest of the paper, and we hung it in your nursery.

We were ready for you. Your clothes were washed. Sheets were in your bed. The baby gear was set up around the house - spots to safely put you down, and change your little diapers, and play with you.

We just needed you.

On the morning of July 26, we got up and had breakfast with the kids, packed a few things, and headed to the hospital around 8:30. Because you hadn't made an early arrival, you - like your siblings - were born via scheduled c-section, thanks to your sister's breech baby status and your brother's heart issues. We checked in. After FOUR attempts to start an IV - I was ready to leave the hospital at that point, and try another one later - they finally got one started, and it wasn't long after that things started to move quickly. We walked to the OR. Daddy waited in the hall, and I prayed Hail Marys while they put in the spinal block. After that, I was blissfully numb, and Daddy came in.

After your brother's birth - so scary and medical - they rushed him away so quickly that we didn't get to see him. It was a few minutes before we heard his cry from the next room. When you have been the mother of a NICU baby, you learn to hold your breath. You know all the things that can go wrong.

So that's what I was doing - laying there, helpless, holding my breath. And then there you were. Wailing and pink and so perfect. They held you up for me to see. You were perfect. You looked like a little Nora, just bigger and with brown hair. 

 

A nurse asked if I would like to hold you. YES! Can I? Yes! They arranged you on my chest and I kissed your little head. Daddy sat beside us and kept us steady, and when I started to feel nauseous, he took you so I could breathe a minute. 

I couldn't believe it. You were here. You are my favorite surprise, an unexpected gift I never knew I wanted. It's easy for me to see now why we needed you - Nora has all but claimed you as her own, and Joseph has grown into such a loving big brother, doting over you and asking all the time to hold you and talk to you. He swears that he taught you to stick out your tongue, and tells anyone who will listen that if they smile at you, you'll smile back.

We were thrilled to find out less than a week before your arrival that the maternity ward was allowing visitors for the first time in over a year. So when you were one day old, Mimi and Papa Joe brought Nora and Joseph to see you. They were so proud of you, immediately doting over your tiny features and debating who got to hold you first.

Without a doubt, it was the wildest week of our lives. You were born on Monday. We brought you home on Wednesday afternoon. On Thursday, school started - Nora went to 4th grade, and Joseph started kindergarten. You were 12 days old when you went your first soccer game (Joseph's) and about 3 weeks old when Nora started softball. Our days were busy and the nights were sometimes long, but it was all worth it because we got you.

You are a light in this crazy world. We love you, Collin Benjamin, and I'm so glad I get to be your mommy.

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

It's been over 2 years since I've written in this blog. You see, I'd kind of adjusted life to one without a baby. Your big siblings got big, and I got busy - back to school, back to having actual time to work out, back to teaching (part-time, at least). 

But then you arrived, and took our breath away. 

A lot of my prayers in those early days of you - at least the ones where I wasn't begging for some relief from morning sickness - went something like this:

Me: Um, God? It's me, again. So we've been thrown for a lot of loops this year and I just wanted to remind you that we gave away the crib to a family in need in October, and we, just, um, didn't sign up for this?

God: I got you. 

Me: Yes, but um, I don't have any maternity clothes and I had a period and none of this makes any sense so I'm just wondering if you could explain yourself? 

God: Don't worry. I've got you.

Me: Ok, but also, I'm in grad school and remember how Joseph had to be in the NICU and it was so hard? And so we put our energy into other good things. I had plans to do an internship next year and go back to work and the kids were both going to be in school, and now there's going to be another kid? And I can't start an internship with a brand new baby at home, or I guess I can but we both know what newborns are like. And I have a healthcare husband working in a hospital through a pandemic and the big kids will still need me... God, I made a plan.

God: *laughs*

----------------------

You see, we weren't expecting you - not really at all, actually. We gave away the crib in October. Most of your brother and sister's outgrown clothes had been washed and handed down to friends and neighbors. The baby washcloths and towels had found their way into the rag bin, or the trash, as they got old and holey. We learned to become the parents of school-age children, full on soccer (and art and tennis and basketball and Girl Scouts) parents.

You might have been unplanned, Baby, but you were never, not even for the tiniest little second, unwanted. 

Even when I sat in the bathroom, staring in shock at the bright blue line that confirmed your existence, thinking surely I must be dreaming, I smiled. Another little one to love. Another pair of chubby cheeks, a diaper booty crawling underfoot while I make lunches and dinner, another round of first words and funny dances and baby giggles. A baby for Nora, who loves nothing more than snuggling with puppies and babies, who is adored by the little neighbor girls. A baby to break the boy-girl tie on both sides of the family. 

You see, your big brother and sister are over the moon. Nora was ready to unpack the remaining baby stuff from storage the day after she found out about you. After she returned to school in January, she told her entire class about you by the end of the first day back. We weren't even home from the pick up line when I got a text from her best friend's mom: Malea just told me some news. Is it true? Oh I hope it's true! Joseph checked out a big brother book from the library and we read it almost every day.

We've slowly gathering the baby things tucked away in the basement. We have plans to borrow a crib as soon as their baby outgrows it in a few months, and we've told almost everyone about you.

It's been my favorite thing, telling people about you. The surprise and the joy on their faces. The funny comments in response. Nora and Joseph are so wonderful, and they know you will be, too. 

We can't wait to meet you.

9 Truths About Living with a Budding Artist

1. No wall is safe from becoming an Art Wall.
No wall left behind.

2. We are always out of printer paper.

Shes uses 50 sheets to our 5. On the bright side, I haven't actually purchased a birthday card in years - I just have her make them.


3. Every time I start to throw a empty milk jug or a yogurt container in the recycling bin, I am interrupted: "Wait! I can use that for a craft!"
Today I discovered an old yogurt contained filled with water and popsicle sticks. The popsicle sticks appeared to be growing fur, and the whole thing smelled a little funky. (You guys, I swear, I clean my house at appropriate intervals.)

4. The stapler is always missing.
It has a home in the office, a perfect little stapler spot.  But more often than not, we'll find it buried in her desk drawer.

5. The art supplies will never stay organized. 
Recently, I purchased a divided desk organizer and put markers in one spot, dot markers in another, crayons in another, and glue sticks and glitter glue in the fourth.  Three hours later, it had been "reorganized."

She taped her colored pencils to the wall.  I was more impressed than anything.

 
6. Speaking of art supplies, there will never be enough glitter glue.
I give up. They're always empty.

7. Or scotch tape.
 Before children, one roll of scotch tape would last me at least six months or one Christmas season. Now, I buy it in bulk and I still have to hide a roll up high and out of sight.

8. Homework is always decorated. 
If she doesn't have time to finish it at school, she finishes it at home (because she wants to, not because she has to).

9. I don't want to put new carpet (or anything) in the basement, because then I will have to care if it gets paint on it. 
I suppose this will save us a bunch of money if we just leave it as a toy area and art studio, right?

Old basements are also a great place to let your budding artist host a Unicorn Rainbow Painting Birthday Party That Also Includes Dancing. Hers is the top middle. (J seems to have a knack for the abstract - his is the bottom middle.)

Summer Recap and The Return of Routine

I put this picture at the top so it will show up in the thumbnail on facebook. Also, a tiny frog on a tiny car is the best thing ever.

We are back in the saddle of school and "normal" life.  Our school district is on a balanced calendar, meaning school starts early but is punctuated quarterly with longer breaks.  Nora is in her fourth full week of 1st grade, and doing wonderfully.   She insisted on riding the bus both ways this year and is excited to have her best friend in her class again, for the third year in a row.

She scooters to the bus stop. I scooter home. I bet the neighbors love it.

Rather than playing soccer again this fall, she chose to give dance another whirl. (See what I did there?)  She started lessons a couple of weeks ago, and also had her first Girl Scouts meeting of the year this evening.  She's especially excited two of her friends have joined the troop, and I'm especially excited that their meetings are at a place with an indoor playground in the next room.

Joseph started PRESCHOOL (!!!) last week.  He only goes two mornings a week, for two and a half hours a piece.  Excluding driving time, this allots me four and one half hours per week kid-free. Not that I'm counting. I go to the grocery store and do things like ponder hand soap scents and make sure I have the Buy 5, Save 5 items in multiples of 5.  I do projects around the house in entirety (clean all the bathrooms at once, for example). I fold laundry while catching up on Call the Midwife.

Let's discuss preschool.  When Joseph was newly 1, I had this fantastic thought in my head that I would sign him up to go to Parent's Day Out at the same school where Nora was in preschool one morning a week.  Huzzah, I thought, they'll be so happy and I'll run errands or take a nap! I hadn't slept in a year and the prospect of this was thrilling. So ta-da, I did it. Paid a $100 registration fee and signed his little tushy up. But he cried and cried and cried and they would call me and say that I didn't have to come pick him up, but, bless his little heart, he just wouldn't settle down.  So of course I would go get him, because how selfish am I, I thought, going grocery shopping without him.  After several weeks of this, I gave up, and told Ryan I was spending that $70 a month on margaritas.

Then when he turned 2, I thought, well hey! He's practically a grown-up compared to last year. He can walk and talk and sing songs and do all sorts of great things.  But, nope. He cried all day, and I gave up, again.

So we were a little nervous about preschool.  But, by the grace of God, we saw his preschool teacher (who had also been Nora's teacher) at lunch one day over the summer, and so he got to meet her.  After that, we talked about her everyday.  Mrs. Messmer is the best. She is so fun. She sings songs, and has toys, and she's a grandma. (Because grandmas are always great.)  I don't know if Mrs. "Mess-a-mer" knows what a celebrity she is at our house, but by golly, we love her.  And, by some magical miracle, he strutted into the first day of preschool with his dinosaur "pack-back," spelled his name for the teacher, and sat down on the rug and never looked back.  Now every morning he asks if it's a preschool day, and it makes me so proud and happy, my head might start spinning. 

Of  course his Lightning McQueen cars had to come out for pictures.

---

We had a great summer.  The kids had lots of time to run and play, explore the outdoors, visit family, enjoy the lake, and spend time with friends. Both kids took swim lessons; Nora is swimming like a fish.

The biggest highlight of summer was Joseph's third birthday. This guy was so excited! After celebrating my, Ryan's, and Nora's birthdays all over the winter months, he had been telling people for months, "my birt-day is coming up!"  He only asked for ice cream, so we got an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen and decorated it with - wait for it - dinosaurs.  Over the next week, we actually celebrated his birthday three times - once at home, once at my parents' at the lake, once at Ryan's parents'.  This was perfect because when you sing happy birthday to Joseph, he gets this sweet smile on his face and it melts my heart.

A part of Joseph's birthday gift was his big boy room. His nursery, though a perfect size for a baby and extra nice because it was 3 steps away from our room, was a bit small for a "big boy" room with a regular bed, dresser, and toys.  His new room is decorated in airplanes and dinosaurs, of course.

Nora BEGGED to help paint. She did this, then dunked her whole foot in the paint. All things considered, though, a successful first attempt.

An actual bed is forthcoming (because Ryan started building it and then broke his arm), but for now he thinks this is pretty awesome.

It stayed this organized for 3.7 seconds.

This is the third time I've sat down to finish this blog, so here is the rest of summer, in pictures(and in no particular order):

Finished up another soccer season. This year they were the Thunder.

Me: "Ok, you can play, but let's try not to get totally soaked."
Kids: "Does this count as soaked?"

Sibling Negotiations (Translation: I will give you the fairy egg to you, Joseph, if you give me some money. Will you give me some money? I hope you say yes! Then I will let you play with my toys for two months. The end."

VBS fun

The old hose in the sandbox trick = hours of fun. I took this picture from my shaded chair where I read a book while they built sand cities and rivers.

Nora and one of her besties at Annie. They loved it!

Looking for shells and crayfish at the park. This was totally worth the soaking wet & smelly tennis shoes.

Walk/scooter/bike in the park

Zoo day

The glass is really thick. Right?

Our tennis coach friend gave Nora and a friend lessons this summer. Joseph joined in for some volley practice.

Sometimes Aunt Michelle buys giant inflatable birthday presents.

Tuesday morning swim crew!  These kiddies are all little ones of some of my Avon teacher friends. Believe it or not, we're missing at least three babies and one pair of brothers in this picture.

Hey, look! 10 years with this guy! I feel like this deserves a blog post all by itself. We enjoyed a night away (thanks, Mimi!).

A hallway and half bath paint project. I took the mirror off the wall and discovered a giant hole. Home ownership is fun.

Visited GG and Papa's to see the massive tomato plants! Yes, that is the roof they are touching.

A trip to the Dunes and then a famous burger joint whose name I cannot currently remember.

We made it to the top! Nora was the first one up, and Joseph climbed the whole thing all by himself!

#puremichigan

Nora's last-day-before-school-starts request was a trip to the Children's Museum.

Rainy day activities.

Baby bunnies in the garden. I had to rescue one of these little dudes when he got caught in the fence trying to get away from Joseph, who has not mastered the concept of quiet yet.

Making car jumps

Nora's hand for scale

This is my favorite picture of the summer. Tiny frog on a tiny car.

Naptime

Joseph was really hungry for a hard boiled egg one day, but we didn't have any. Then he built this house and called it The Hard Boiled Egg house.  (It worked and I made some.)