Back to Work, a Little

When we found out that we would soon have a Nora in May of 2011 (wow - was it really that long ago!?), I gave up a lot of things. The ability to drink beer was the very first thing, and let's face it, that was a bummer.  I lost the control I had over my body to pregnancy and nursing, and then nearly two years after losing it, regained it.  (Many have asked if I miss nursing or felt guilty when we were done - I don't/didn't - but that's another blog for another day.)  I lost the ability to go to the bathroom by myself, and sadly will probably not get that back anytime soon.  I lost some friends to sleepless nights and less time to spend out and about, but have kept the favorites, and made some really wonderful new ones, too.

I also gave up my career.  It wasn't a no-brainer for me - Ryan and I spent many nights awake, going over and over the benefits of returning to work vs. staying home; and vice versa. There were pro and con lists, and several middle of the night rocking chair snuggle fests spent wondering am I doing the right thing?  What if I can never get another job? What if I lose touch with my friends that I have made at this job, which would be terrible because these are seriously some of the coolest and best people I know? What if the only people that will hire me after time off are mean and awful and yell at me if I screw up?  What if I don't go back to work, and Nora thinks that all women have to stay home and nurse babies and clean the kitchen seven times a day? What if I go crazy being at home all day? What if...

But the bottom line was that although I loved my job, I didn't want to miss the moments when Nora was littlest. They are only very small for a very short while, and since I had the opportunity, I took it.  I wrote a letter of resignation, met with my bosses, cried on the way home - and bid farewell to the life I been building for myself since the day I changed my major to education. 

I don't regret a minute of it, and I would do it again for another baby, and hopefully, I someday will.

For the past several months (how many exactly, I don't know), I have had the thought in the back of my mind: if a part-time teaching job came up, I would consider it.  I guess the tedium of parenthood with a toddler - the constant cleaning, the entertaining, the we-do-not-throw-our-food-on-the-flooring - was making me ache for a professional environment again.  I wasn't actively looking, but one morning I got a text out of the blue from a friend who teaches English at the school in our town.  They needed someone to teach 2 classes, periods 1 and 2, each day.  They also needed someone now.  The teacher currently in the position had taken an administrative job and needed to get moved over to her new appointment as soon as possible.

So the what ifs started again.  In the end, I interviewed, was offered the job, and accepted the position. I start Monday.  The hours will allow me to still spend the better part of each day at home with Nora, going to the park, reading A Penguin Story over and over, and having dance parties in the kitchen. But, it will also give me an opportunity to use the knowledge and experience I have to offer, which, outside two online classes and a bit of tutoring here and there, I have missed (some days more than others).

I know it's going to be hard to balance it all, and Nora will have to go to a babysitter. We have chosen an in-home daycare run by two sweet and nurturing ladies. With Ryan's schedule, she won't have to go everyday, and on the days when she will go, it will only be for a few hours.  I know she will be nervous at first, and it hurts my heart to think that she might be scared, but I know it is a safe and loving place and a place that she will enjoy, hopefully much sooner than later.  With some help from my mom and Ryan's schedule, she won't have to start for a couple of weeks, which will hopefully give us a little time as a family to adjust to Mommy's new gig.

So, if you don't mind, say a prayer for me and my sweet girl (and send one up for Ryan, too...he is so supportive and will be the one at home with her some mornings and dropping her off on others - and losing a lot of sleep-in days in the process).  We appreciate it!