Why Babies are Easier than 3 Year Olds

Don't get me wrong: babies are a tough bunch. They cry, they stay up all night, they barf all over your brand new, freshly washed clothes. They are unpredictable little creatures that have no words to share their needs, and possibly what is most frustrating about them is that they are impossible to blame.  They don't know they shouldn't sneeze all over you. (They think sneezes are funny, anyway, or at least my babies do.) They don't know that they are supposed to sleep at least a rough schedule to avoid getting overtired and cranky. They don't know it's not nice to pee on the person giving them a bath.  And so you can't be mad at them, so you end up getting mad at other people (namely, your spouse) instead.  It's a risky business...  but once you pass babyhood and move to the dreaded toddlerhood, you realize, babyhood wasn't so bad after all.

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Babies like to drink milk. 3 year olds declare they want a FLAT quesadilla (as opposed to another kind that I'm unaware of??), and then they don't eat it.  Or, in a parallel discussion, they need their oatmeal like Mommy makes it.  Tomorrow they NEEEED it like Daddy makes it.  Then they ask for cereal anyway, and then get upset because you will not make them two perfectly good breakfasts, the first of which they requested.

3 year olds learn how to play the system. They say things like "But Daddy always lets me jump off the couch."  (Shenanigans! Daddy does not let you jump off the couch.)

Babies drop a toy, can't see it anymore, and think "oh, we don't have any toys? That's alright, I'll just play with my feet.  OHMYGOSH I just pulled my own sock off and it's the most amaaazing thing in the world."

3 year olds require bribery and negotiation to complete simple tasks.  For example, if you want a cookie, you need to eat your pizza (that you specifically requested and have now declared you don't like because 'it makes your mouth feel funny.')   If you get into the bath without arguing, you can have bubbles.  If you get out of the bath without throwing a fit and splashing every surface in the world, I'll read you an extra story.  Why are you upset that you have to get out of the bath when you were upset that you had to get in the bath in the first place?  HOW DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL?

Babies don't care what you're doing. Oh, we're taking a bath now? That's great. I can play with my toes.

3 year olds can take off their own shoes and leave them in random places. They never, ever remember where they left them.

Babies wear whatever you put on them.  If they poop on it and need to be changed, they lay on the little mat and making cute noises at you while you pick out yet another adorable outfit.

3 year olds can run away. You have to chase them down, pick up their heavy little bodies, and smile warily at the onlookers as if to say, "Oh, gosh. These kids. I promise she's not like this all the time."

Babies stay where you put them (at least for awhile). When they do roll over or turn around, it's a celebration: "ooooh, look at you! Did you roll over? You are just so smart."

There are only a certain number of things that a baby can want. 1) Milk. 2) To be held. 3) A little bouncing action. 4)  Something to chew on. 5) To sleep.

There are 7 million things a 3 year old can want. None of them are logical. All of them involve a snack in some form, and then another snack because the original one that they requested is no longer acceptable.

3 year olds care what show they watch, and they change their minds 11 times before deciding. (This is also true for bedtime stories.)

Babies say, HGTV again, Mom? Super! I really like these flashing colors.

3 year olds do not listen well. You say to them, nineteen times, do not play on the roll-y chair. It will slip out from under you and you will fall and get hurt. And then that happens, and they cry, and you have to comfort them because they did the exact thing you repeatedly told them not to do.

Babies say, oh, you want me to hang out in this carseat/exersaucer/bouncy seat/playmat while you do the dishes and talk to me? Okay. I will fuss at you if I get bored, but otherwise, I'll just be right here, playing with my feet.

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Coming To a Theatre Near You in 10 Years: Why 3 Year Olds are Easier than Teenagers