Failed Attempts

It has felt a lot, lately, like I am going in thirteen different directions all the time, but not successfully getting anywhere. This morning, I attended the Ash Wednesday Mass at our church, and this song really spoke to me, especially the second verse:

We offer your our failures
we offer you attempts.
The gifts not fully given,

The dreams not fully dreamt.
Give our stumblings direction,

Give our vision wider view,

An offering of ashes,

an offering to you. 

Most of the time, I don't feel like a great mother, or a great wife, or a great anything. I feel like I'm sort of stuck in a Groundhog's Day haze of packing lunches, school dropping-off, potty-training, story-reading, dinner-making, kitchen-cleaning, and laundry-doing. The to-do list is never-ending and recently I've added a bit of tutoring and a project for my Etsy shop to the list, which is okay, because I enjoy it and it's nice to have a bit of extra money on hand and also I'm reminded that I have skills that don't include worrying about other living beings' bodily functions. But things are busy and I keep forgetting little things, like sending in a gently used book for the library book swap, and taking the cookie money to the girls scouts meeting, and not drying the shirt I'm not supposed to dry. (But, can we just agree that it's 2018 and clothes should be made to go in the dryer? Kthanks.)

So, anyway. I'm appreciative. I'm looking forward to Lent as a season of renewal and a time to focus on improving, hopefully, in preparation for Easter.  I've got a checklist of things I'm going to work on (taking a break from facebook and the gigantic time-suck that it has become is one of them), and I'm certain at some point I'm going to fail - but I appreciate that God sees that I'm trying. BECAUSE I REALLY AM. I'm really trying not to yell and lose my patience. I'm really trying not to hit snooze so many times in the mornings because the day goes so much more smoothly when I have a few moments to get my head on straight before the kids are up.  I'm really trying to appreciate the time I have to sit with my kids and play, and I'm trying not to go crazy when we're listening to Moana for the 47th car ride in a row.  I'm trying to do the good things and remember to say my prayers and offer to say them with my kids, too.  And give myself some grace.

Because this is tough, and it's nice to be reminded that even our failed attempts mean something, too.