Collin Benjamin
July 26, 2021
7 lb. 14 oz., 20 1/4 in.
11:23 am
My pregnancy with you was nothing out of the ordinary: I had the normal morning sickness, the exhaustion, the strangers exclaiming with joy when my baby bump started to get so big I couldn't hide it anymore. I won't lie - being pregnant in the summer was tough. It was early May when my feet started to swell and hurt all the time. I was teaching part-time at Riverside, and I emailed my principal: Is it ok if I wear tennis shoes or flip flops from now on?
Yes - of course it was - and it's a good thing, since no other shoes fit anyway.
Needless to say, I could not wait for you to arrive. About a week before you were born, we decided to tell the "big kids" your name. (This is what we call Nora and Joseph now - the Big Kids.) They'd been begging forever, and we'd finally decided on the name that would be yours. We drew lines for each letter and let them guess until they got it.
Collin Benjamin.
Nora colored the rest of the paper, and we hung it in your nursery.
We were ready for you. Your clothes were washed. Sheets were in your bed. The baby gear was set up around the house - spots to safely put you down, and change your little diapers, and play with you.
We just needed you.
On the morning of July 26, we got up and had breakfast with the kids, packed a few things, and headed to the hospital around 8:30. Because you hadn't made an early arrival, you - like your siblings - were born via scheduled c-section, thanks to your sister's breech baby status and your brother's heart issues. We checked in. After FOUR attempts to start an IV - I was ready to leave the hospital at that point, and try another one later - they finally got one started, and it wasn't long after that things started to move quickly. We walked to the OR. Daddy waited in the hall, and I prayed Hail Marys while they put in the spinal block. After that, I was blissfully numb, and Daddy came in.
After your brother's birth - so scary and medical - they rushed him away so quickly that we didn't get to see him. It was a few minutes before we heard his cry from the next room. When you have been the mother of a NICU baby, you learn to hold your breath. You know all the things that can go wrong.
So that's what I was doing - laying there, helpless, holding my breath. And then there you were. Wailing and pink and so perfect. They held you up for me to see. You were perfect. You looked like a little Nora, just bigger and with brown hair.
A nurse asked if I would like to hold you. YES! Can I? Yes! They arranged you on my chest and I kissed your little head. Daddy sat beside us and kept us steady, and when I started to feel nauseous, he took you so I could breathe a minute.
I couldn't believe it. You were here. You are my favorite surprise, an unexpected gift I never knew I wanted. It's easy for me to see now why we needed you - Nora has all but claimed you as her own, and Joseph has grown into such a loving big brother, doting over you and asking all the time to hold you and talk to you. He swears that he taught you to stick out your tongue, and tells anyone who will listen that if they smile at you, you'll smile back.
We were thrilled to find out less than a week before your arrival that the maternity ward was allowing visitors for the first time in over a year. So when you were one day old, Mimi and Papa Joe brought Nora and Joseph to see you. They were so proud of you, immediately doting over your tiny features and debating who got to hold you first.
Without a doubt, it was the wildest week of our lives. You were born on Monday. We brought you home on Wednesday afternoon. On Thursday, school started - Nora went to 4th grade, and Joseph started kindergarten. You were 12 days old when you went your first soccer game (Joseph's) and about 3 weeks old when Nora started softball. Our days were busy and the nights were sometimes long, but it was all worth it because we got you.
You are a light in this crazy world. We love you, Collin Benjamin, and I'm so glad I get to be your mommy.
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