Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

It's been over 2 years since I've written in this blog. You see, I'd kind of adjusted life to one without a baby. Your big siblings got big, and I got busy - back to school, back to having actual time to work out, back to teaching (part-time, at least). 

But then you arrived, and took our breath away. 

A lot of my prayers in those early days of you - at least the ones where I wasn't begging for some relief from morning sickness - went something like this:

Me: Um, God? It's me, again. So we've been thrown for a lot of loops this year and I just wanted to remind you that we gave away the crib to a family in need in October, and we, just, um, didn't sign up for this?

God: I got you. 

Me: Yes, but um, I don't have any maternity clothes and I had a period and none of this makes any sense so I'm just wondering if you could explain yourself? 

God: Don't worry. I've got you.

Me: Ok, but also, I'm in grad school and remember how Joseph had to be in the NICU and it was so hard? And so we put our energy into other good things. I had plans to do an internship next year and go back to work and the kids were both going to be in school, and now there's going to be another kid? And I can't start an internship with a brand new baby at home, or I guess I can but we both know what newborns are like. And I have a healthcare husband working in a hospital through a pandemic and the big kids will still need me... God, I made a plan.

God: *laughs*

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You see, we weren't expecting you - not really at all, actually. We gave away the crib in October. Most of your brother and sister's outgrown clothes had been washed and handed down to friends and neighbors. The baby washcloths and towels had found their way into the rag bin, or the trash, as they got old and holey. We learned to become the parents of school-age children, full on soccer (and art and tennis and basketball and Girl Scouts) parents.

You might have been unplanned, Baby, but you were never, not even for the tiniest little second, unwanted. 

Even when I sat in the bathroom, staring in shock at the bright blue line that confirmed your existence, thinking surely I must be dreaming, I smiled. Another little one to love. Another pair of chubby cheeks, a diaper booty crawling underfoot while I make lunches and dinner, another round of first words and funny dances and baby giggles. A baby for Nora, who loves nothing more than snuggling with puppies and babies, who is adored by the little neighbor girls. A baby to break the boy-girl tie on both sides of the family. 

You see, your big brother and sister are over the moon. Nora was ready to unpack the remaining baby stuff from storage the day after she found out about you. After she returned to school in January, she told her entire class about you by the end of the first day back. We weren't even home from the pick up line when I got a text from her best friend's mom: Malea just told me some news. Is it true? Oh I hope it's true! Joseph checked out a big brother book from the library and we read it almost every day.

We've slowly gathering the baby things tucked away in the basement. We have plans to borrow a crib as soon as their baby outgrows it in a few months, and we've told almost everyone about you.

It's been my favorite thing, telling people about you. The surprise and the joy on their faces. The funny comments in response. Nora and Joseph are so wonderful, and they know you will be, too. 

We can't wait to meet you.